I've seen you.
I've seen the fight you're fighting.
I've seen you post a photo of your daughter, looking for validation that the dress code is ridiculous and your daughter should be able to wear what she's wearing.
I've seen you shout that the school is sexualizing your daughter.
I'm begging you. Please oh please with sugar on top stop it.
Since schools have been requiring dress codes, girls have fought them.
In little ways and big ways, teen girls have been pushing that envelope, trying to get away with wearing something outside of the dress code.
Shoot, even in the Catholic school I attended girls were doing this, rolling their uniform skirts up to get them an inch shorter than allowed.
It used to be that parents and kids knew the dress code, and when their daughters came downstairs with something outside of the dress code, parents would send their daughters back to their rooms to change.
Girls would throw fits and complain that what they were wearing was FINE and adults were just out of touch and being mean.
Parents would ignore those daughters and the daughters would change.
(And a few really bold daughters would sneak different clothes in their bags and change later.)
Not so anymore.
Now, many parents will see their daughters dressing outside of the dress code and say, "You know you'll get in trouble if you wear that," then let their daughters walk out the door without changing. This means teachers and administrators must waste time that should be used productively (aka teaching) to enforce a rule the parents could and should have done at home.
And some parents like yourself will actually listen to your daughters complain about the dress code and take their side. And encourage them to defy the school personnel. Encourage them to take a stand and fight the "oppressive" rules. And shout from the rooftops that the school is sexualizing your daughters.
Basically, it boils down to "my daughter wants to dress like this, I think she's dressed fine, so she should be able to wear it".
Instead, how about you take just a few seconds to look at this from the school's perspective?
Whether you want to admit it or not, clothing can be a huge distraction, including but not limited to boys being distracted by girls wearing little to no clothing. It distracts me, for Pete's sake!
Perhaps you consider the fact that school administrators aren't out to shame anyone, but are simply trying to get rid of as many distractions as possible so teachers can do their jobs?
Schools aren't causing the problem. You are.
They wouldn't have to enforce the dress code (what you see as shaming you daughter) if you stood up and did it before your daughter left the house.
Even if you don't agree with the dress code, you should still be enforcing it.
Teenagers are going to question authority. Questioning and pushing boundaries is almost a job for them. It's part of the whole brain development/character building/maturing/figuring out the world thing they have to do.
Questioning is not wrong. It's actually good for all of us to question just about everything we read or hear or see.
However, choosing to stand up and fight for something simply because "I want to" is wrong.
How, in any way, shape, or form, is making your daughters wear shirts with sleeves hurting them??
I'll answer that. It isn't!
But allowing her to defy the school administration and continue to dress out of dress code is hurting not just her, but all the kids who are losing out on instruction time so teachers and administrators can deal with your daughters.
Dress codes are a part of life. Tank tops and leggings aren't allowed in business offices. Open-toed shoes aren't allowed on construction sites. Adults need to dress in the clothing appropriate for what they are doing. Same goes for kids in school.
Schools have to have a dress code. A line has to be drawn somewhere as to what is appropriate and what is not. Just because you don't agree with where that line is drawn doesn't mean it's wrong. You just need to acknowledge the line and respect their authority to draw that line.
You don't work in that school. You don't have any idea what the teachers are having to deal with in that school. They are the authority in that environment. You are simply the parent of a child unhappy with the authority's rules.
How about instead of fighting the school administration, you find a way to help them? How about instead of posting your daughters' outfits online, you send in some coffee and thank you notes to the teachers who are doing their very best to educate your children? How about you show them a little respect and teach your daughters that following a dress code is part of being a kind, responsible person in a world that doesn't revolve around her wants?
As a teacher and a parent, I'd really appreciate your cooperation in this matter.
Have a lovely day!
PS I know this is way more blunt and direct than I normally write. I debated changing it to be a little less harsh. In the end, I wrote it the way I'd actually talk if I knew someone in real life who caused an uproar over the dress code.
PPS I know that most, if not all, of you would actually agree with me, so writing this isn't really getting to the people who I'd like to talk to. It's really just serving the purpose of me getting it off my chest.
And for real. Have a lovely day!